There's No Place Like The Yellow Brick Road

Me, scratching my head (I think?)

Walking down a beach path during Chris's first visit.

Within a few months of being introduced, Chris and I met in person, in April 2007. He actually made a few trips to see me around that time. They were all noteworthy visits, but meeting him at the airport when he arrived here for the first time stands out distinctly in my mind as the beginning of the story.

Upon entering the baggage claim, I scanned the sea of unfamiliar faces for the one I recognized from our correspondences. At first none were recognizable, but then I heard the familiar call of my name.

"Sunny!"

He said it with a spark.

Finally seeing him in three dimensions, combined with hearing the sound of his voice right then and there, was sort of like the moment in the Wizard of Oz where the movie suddenly turns from sepia to technicolor. It was surreal. But I was thrilled to finally meet him face to face.

I remember he was dressed up. Aside from being happy that he indeed looked handsome like in his pictures, it was his outfit that grabbed my initial attention. In snapshots I'd seen, he usually wore casual t-shirts and shorts. Though on that day he clearly was making an effort to impress me by dressing up.

It worked.

I happily noticed.

Immediately reaching out to hug while he stood near his luggage; we both smiled with nervous excitement as we processed each other's presence. Apprehension no doubt had taken hold of us both for the moment, yet it didn't last. By the time we made our way to lunch for the next stop, it was as though we'd known each other for ages. And our comfort was evident in our choice of cuisine...Mexican food.

For our first meal together we grubbed on burritos, chips, and table-side guacamole. While probably not the most glamorous meal we could have opted for, it was not our concern since it felt like we had already known each other at the onset. We clicked. And given what I had been through just a few short months earlier, I grabbed at the chance to feel so at ease with someone new. Likewise, Chris was relieved to find a girl who was not particularly worried about making impressions. We simply enjoyed the moment for what it brought; filling food, flowing conversation, and laughs.

It made for a fun first date. Besides, we had plenty of time for fancy meals. Those came later, once Chris moved here. At the time I was far more concerned with really getting to know him than I was with awkward formality. So after lunch, we went to the movies and saw the comedy "Blades of Glory." At the show, I remember noticing Chris's contagious laugh. The movie was funny, but his laughter truly made me smile. It was those kinds of little things that brought a welcome lift to my much downtrodden spirit, and were the perfect antidote to my months of ambivalent grief.

Forgiving Roman for his actions was still difficult for me back then, but I felt better when I was with Chris. We brought out a side in each other that was genuine and I was eager to continue the easy momentum of his visits. With that, after just a few visits, I mailed him a key to my apartment for him to move in with.

It was the same apartment I had once shared with Roman. Repeatedly after he died, I sat alone and fought back the silence in that space. My feelings about it were mixed. I wanted to use it make new memories...Still, bringing Chris into my life in such a big way, so soon after my loss was scary. I don't think I would have been as bold back then if he hadn't been living on the opposite coast when we met. And as I've said before, I was well aware that I could have been stepping into a messy rebound. Weeding out caution from life infringing fear, I did my best to move ahead with my life after Roman.

Chris and I brought out the best in each other. Our dynamics were what I consciously sought if I was to invest in another relationship. Surprisingly, the universe brought me what I wanted quickly. And after going through the trauma of Roman's death and infidelity, along with the insult of confronting his mistress, I was tremendously grateful to have found a person I could be so at ease with. It had been a long time since I'd smiled like I had with Chris. What's more, I dont think I ever felt that kind of authenticity in my prior relationships with anyone before. So I took a leap and embraced the moment like it was a wild ride to be enjoyed. Wild, yet simple all the same. It all came down to trust and opening myself up to new experiences.

I used my intuition, my gut, and my higher self as a guide. Our decision to jump in feet first sounded crazy, I'm sure. Both of our friends and families checked in with us regularly to be sure we hadn't lost our marbles. But it wasn't lost marbles; it was new love.

So in June 2007, just seven months after Roman died, Chris bought a one way ticket from New York to California. I came home from work the day he moved in to find him in our newly shared apartment. It was the first of many times to come. By being there, he brought me my first real sense of comfort after loss. Though, more than that, he brought me a sense that the path I had taken to getting him there was guided by something larger than me.

The entire period felt like a dream happening in real time. And looking back now, my memory of it feels like I was a traveling down a version of the Yellow Brick Road. Though, once Chris came home to Cali, our next stop was not Kansas - or even New York. It was Kauai, and it danced...